Normally I am easy to please and I go with the flow. However, as I grow spiritually, I find that I feel strongly about some things that I never considered before. This journey of exploring my inner self has not been easy for me. I have struggled and fought my inner self. I have cried and have come near to a nervous break down. I have confused those closest to me that do not understand what I feel or believe. I have considered quitting my job. People that I work with have noticed changes in me and asked me if there is something wrong. Family has criticized me for writing asking what I could possibly have to say that is important. They think I am depressed, sudued and not my usual peppy self. This takes energy and time to reflect and turn in toward yourself and explore. Yes I do it at rest and in a meditative state but then living it as part of me fights against it is the hard part. Learning to use my voice to say what I feel has been the hardest part for I have been the doormat, the brunt of the jokes, and treated like I only have half a brain. I despise conflict and would rather mutely let things go by unchecked and unsaid.
Things are changing in me. In one sense I have opened a whole new can of worms. Do I regret that? No way! I am learning about my true self, what I truly believe in. It is difficult that I feel conflict in some areas such as my job but I will come to terms with that. To those who think I have nothing to say you are wrong! I have much to say whether you are open and receptive to hear it or not is your problem. I am tired of being the doormat and being treated like I am stupid. I am book smart, my IQ is near 160, I don't laugh at the same things you do, I appreciate things that you do not. It is a choice on my part. The choice to be different you see has always been there for me. The only difference now is that I am willing to tell you it is my choice if need be.
I have an appreciation for love, for nature, for family, friends, children with their thirst for love, for animals and their acceptance and love for us. I am grateful for each day, each person I love and the moments I get to spend with them. What I will not do, is feed off of your negativity, your fear or your hate. I will not accept that you treat me less than the soul filled person I am. I will not ask you to change your beliefs and I will not belittle or condemn you for them. I am not better nor any less than you. I am not driven by money or status for that doesn't matter. Money and status do not leave this world with us. What remains when we leave this world is the impressions and love we leave others with.
Our world needs healed. Our focus needs changed. We need to change from a society that is segregated and focused on differences into one that is united and one. I am not saying that we need to give up our beliefs and religions because we are all free to choose. What we need to move beyond is our views that we are all different and cannot get along. We all love, we all need love. We all have families and problems. We all feel pain and we all struggle.
What we should focus on is our similarities, our ability to love, to share, to learn, to grow and to help each other solve our problems. If we all looked exactly alike and acted exactly the same our world would be the most boring place in the entire universe. We should celebrate that we are all ONE, that we are a most enormous family. And so today after sitting through a Black History program at school I said to my boss, "I am tired of how we celebrate this month and yet we do not celebrate Hispanic-American month, or Native American month, or Asian- American month, or European-American month. I feel it makes us segregated, separated because we do not do them all. What if we changed all that? What if we celebrated: WE ARE ALL ONE AND WE ARE ALL CONNECTED?" And my boss said, "That would be nice and that is interesting!"
So my goal is to bring a new course of study to my students that embraces the basics of love and respect for each other. And from there perhaps it will spread.
We should embrace each other and be tolerant. Be kind and graceful with one another because our days are to short to hate and fight. We must join together to give our children a better home and better future than ours. Better does not mean to be lazier or have more technology or money. These will pass just as we will. So be kind to yourself and to others, but especially yourself. You are all you really have.
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