I began the day after I got the book. I read faithfully until I got to lesson seven. Then I had days off in between beginning lesson seven and while reading lesson seven. I attribute this to choices I made during Christmas break with family being my major focus. then of course a few days after they left I realized I had not been reading. I read lesson 7 for two consecutive days then I did not read again for three and that was last night. I felt guilty about not holding up my end of the deal, then as I read I realized it was perfect and it was the Divine's timing. All was as it was meant to be. With that said let me give a brief summary of what I have read in this book so far, then I will explain the circumstances as to why the timing was perfect.
This book is the teachings of Jeshua ben Joseph (Jesus and Jeshua is pronounced Yeshua). James Twyman is the channel (for my lack of a better word) for these teachings. There are thirty-three lessons in the book and each lesson is to be read for three days. The author introduces you to the Emissary Wheel and goes into what each point on the wheel stands for. the points are as follows: Courage, Patience, Wisdom, Certainty, Compassion, Joy, Clarity, Understanding, Depth, Abundance, Generosity, and Agape. Agape is a word that I had to look up because I had no idea what it meant. Agape is unconditional love or perhaps more accurately put the Christ Consciousness and Love of God for humankind.
In short there are two choices we make. We can choose to live in Fear or to live in Love. To live in fear is painful at best, always worrying about things. To live in love is to accept your true self and love knowing that all the rest is fear and it is an illusion. In the first lessons Jeshua asks that we take the leap to become who we truly are and join him in the task of finding peace within ourselves and the knowledge that we are Divine.
The spokes of the Emissary wheel I have read so far are summed up in my words. Courage is to seek the world to which you truly belong, that of the Kingdom of God. Patience is the accepting of your soul's Truth. Wisdom is the understanding that there are no differences. Certainty is not believing but knowing that you are One with all and God. Compassion is having compassion for what lies within you for you cannot have compassion for what lies beyond you. Joy is not the joy of this world but the joy of living within the Sacred Place of your heart and what is real.
How does this pertain to me? I have always been insecure at best, never trusting myself and my talents. So insecure that I shied away from many of them for many years. I doubted my skills. All confidence I had was merely the perceptions of others. I doubted my ability to love. Even though I threw myself into caring for others I did so fearing that I would lose them. Can you imagine the pain I felt each time I worried about that? I have lost my beloved grandparents, parents and my only sister. As I lost each one my world became filled with more fear and pain. Yet my only sister gifted me in her passing as she blessed me with the reopening of my heart. this took time of course and did not happen to me all at once. In fact, it has taken four years to get me to the place in my heart where I am today.
I always was torn between putting an animal down and allowing it to die naturally. Being a lover of animals I feared this experience and often thought I would pay a penalty for it for it would be similar to killing a human. Now I know that this is not so. Fourteen and a half years ago I was blessed with a beautiful kitten from a stray that I had taken in. The kitten was pure white except the tips of its ears and tail. Caesar grew up with my children and was a constant companion to all of us. He stayed by be constantly when I needed mending from surgery and later a broken ankle. In the last month he began losing weight because I had learned of a new method of feeding him so he wouldn't gorge himself then throw up. But it continued beyond that and he lost significant weight in the last two weeks. He became bony and gaunt except for his abdomen which became filled with fluid in the last few days. He quit eating except for the little bit I could get him to eat from his plate. He spent every minute he could lying down curled up to either my husband or myself and he just didn't seem to be himself any more. I did Reiki on him in the hopes that it would cure him, but it only seemed to help the pain and suffering he was feeling.
The night before I took him to the vet he started eating and drinking more than he had been. In desperation I had made an appointment for him to take him to the vet and all day long I struggled with actually taking him because he was eating and drinking. I chose to take him wondering if he knew he would reach physical distress soon. I knew and could feel the outcome before we got there. I feared Caesar had feline luekemia or FIV, but this was not the case. At the vet's it was discovered that Caesar was critically anemic and bleeding internally from a tumor. This explained his wasting away. At that point I had to make a decision because the vet said he was so anemic he would go into crisis at any time. I must say Caesar was quite calm for the entire exam which he would not have been at any other point in his life. He had always been fearful of new people and would often hide when others came to our house to visit.
After speaking to my husband, I decided the best choice of action was to euthanize him before he reached the crisis point. Yes, this hurt my heart, I loved him. He was so loving and for the lack of a better explanation he was my soul cat. I didn't want to do it, I wanted him to be fine, but knowing there was only more suffering for him I chose for him to be released from his suffering. I will miss his blue eyes, us holding paws, his head butt kisses, him curled up next to me and his loving paw touches to my cheek. I know he is playing with Rupert and Pooh wherever he is and I told him I'd see him on the other side, which I will.
Through this experience I have learned that I am filled with compassion, love, courage and wisdom. Have I experienced grief? Yes, but I have also experienced the joy of knowing he will no longer be suffering. Does an animal have a soul? Yes, he had one of pure love.
Caesar~ 07/28/1999 -01/02/2014
Blessings, Love and Peace.
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