A Moment of Reflection

It all began day when I was telling a friend that we moved many times when I was a child. It seemed that I was always the new kid and I am sure my sister felt the same way. I am thankful we always had each other. My friend asked me why I thought we moved and I couldn't answer. I was thinking about that this morning as I lay in bed and felt pain in my leg at my knee traveling up my thigh bone. I have never had that pain before. Perhaps it was a coincidence or perhaps it signified something of which  I cannot remember. In the conversation with my friend she asked what I remembered  and I honestly don't remember much of anything that would cause my parents to move so much. I remembered them fighting but I don't know what they fought about. At least until I was older. I remembered my mother's explosive temper and that she threw things and broke things when she was angry. I thought maybe they were just unhappy with their lives or escaping something. I told her that I had played outside most of the time, stayed in my room and read a lot. My friend said she understood why I was very solitary person and that she believed I had been protected by higher beings which is why I didn't remember what they fought about. I know my parents loved me but I think they each had their own issues that they brought with them. I feel as if my father was my protector, getting between me and my mother and that she was jealous of me. Why? I have no idea.  I have heard that I was energetic, hyper, unfocused, and immature (a typical kid that would be diagnosed ADHD today). I recall living in my imagination, spending time with people my age or younger, drawing, reading and spending so much time alone outside in my head pretending. I pretended to be animals quite often. I watched animals outside and I read books on animals. I was fascinated with anything to do with nature. Today I realize that those are all things that I still enjoy so I really am the same as when I was a child. (YAY for the inner child!) I spend my workdays with younger people (teaching), I love animals (drawing and watching them), I am fascinated still by the complexities of life and nature, I enjoy reading and love writing.  There was an in between time between childhood and a few years ago where I did not do these things I love.

I know I have probably rambled on but some days that is how my brain works. Maybe I am ADHD who knows? Back to the thought about moving...sort of...I decided to work on understanding why we moved and realized that I miss my father, mother and sister. I feel as if my sister knew everything that went on and that she kept it all inside her. Me? I am still clueless. Can I ask some one about it? No. The three of them passed away within nine years of each other leaving me here to fulfill my purpose that I might not have begun while they were still here.  I do know that I am on a path toward that.